Husband’s in the Mist: A Theory – dirty dishes

My husband and I split chores in the house.  It used to be, he would do all the cooking and I would clean up his insane muppet-like mess in the kitchen.  Since I changed what I eat and how much I eat, we made some changes so I can teach him how to cook.  That’s not to say he can’t cook.  Oh no, he can cook!  I just needed to teach him a new and improved way to cook; less starch, smaller portions, well you get the idea. But this now means he is cleaning up after me in the kitchen.  And this is where things start to go sideways.

First thing you need to know about me: I am lazy.  If I can find a more streamlined way of doing something, I will.  If it were not for my husband, I probably wouldn’t eat because I just don’t like to cook. Cooking is messy and time consuming.

 Pre-healthy habits, my favorite way to cook was to call someone and have them hand food to me.  Since changing my habits, I have had to figure out how to cook and make it fun.  The fun part, not so much, but I do enjoy creating new dishes.  And since I hate to clean a huge mess, I clean as I go.  Anyone that has worked in the food industry should know this trick.  Therefore, when my husband “cleans up after me” there is not really a lot to clean up.  I have done most of the work.  On the other hand, when my husband cooks, the kitchen looks like the Swedish Chef from the Muppets had made a meal in there.  Dishes everywhere, counter and stove covered in flour (not really, but I’m not far off) and he just walks away. 

One day I’m going to find a chicken hiding in one of the cupboards and flap jacks stuck to the ceiling.

Here is the thing – for the most part, I am simply happy to be fed. I do not mind the cleaning part that much. It does not help that I’m kind of jerk when it comes to cleaning; it’s all in the details. Detail cleaning is not really his thing.

I understand there are some people that tend to be anal about how their dishwashers are loaded. I am not.  This magic beast in the kitchen requires little to no effort.  You put them in dirty, add the soap and they come out clean! Wah! Magic! So, I’m always surprised when it’s his turn to clean and only a portion of the dishes make it into the beast. The beast is not full, the dishes have not been cleaned. Yet, dirty dishes are sitting in the sink.  This led me to start evaluating why: bored and slightly imbalanced = crazy thought processes.

I have several theories.  Some work better than others. 

Who remembers Beauty and the Beast? The dishes sang and danced.  I’ll let you pause on this visual for a minute….done? Okay, I think the dishes were talking to him.  “Please sir, don’t put us in there! The water is always so hot.” Or maybe it is something like top bunk vs. bottom bunk (think bunk beds). My husband wanted them all to be happy so he was waiting to put the dirty ones in till they could fit on the top shelf.  He is considerate like that. Honestly, that really does make sense. However, I do realize this may not be what is going on.

I am going to turn this into an experiment.  I’m going to stack the dishes in different ways to see which ones get loaded and which ones remain behind for me to stick in there later.  I imagine it to be like Jane Goodall watching the gorillas in the jungle.  I’ll title my book, “Husband’s in the mist.” It will be epic!!

Before I publish any of my blogs, I let my husband read them.  He is checking for spelling errors and sentence structure.  He read the title, looked at me and asked if I was throwing him under the bus.  This was certainly not my intention. So, I asked, why do you leave the dishes in the sink.  Since I told him I would not throw him under the bus, I’m going to lie for him and say the dishes were singing to him.

Advice for a crazy lady is: let the dishes sing.

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